Paris is perhaps the most productive city for player development in the world. But could you beat one of the richest, most global clubs in football using only players from the City of Lights? Martin Vert has been set that challenge.

May ’22

Find us on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram

Preseason is upon us again in Paris. After our exceptional season in the third tier – I seriously couldn’t have dreamed of being so dominant – we take our place in Ligue 2. On the one hand, I don’t think we have anything to fear from this division. We beat Auxerre and Paris FC, and we were seconds away from beating Troyes, who have been relegated and are one of the favourites for promotion. On the other hand, that was a very different squad to the one we will be operating with this season, with the contracts of eight non-Parisian players coming to an end, and two loanees going back to their clubs. These include key figures like Ludovic Butelle, Mayoro Ndoye and Meissa Ba. Additionally, players like Hacene Benali and Josue Homawoo are upset at not getting new contracts. So there’s a rebuild to do, among our friendly games.

After dragging their feet over the stadium rebuild, the FFF have been in touch to tell the board the Stade Bauer isn’t up to Ligue 2 standards. Which is a shitter. The Stade Jean Bouin is available, it’s right across the road from the Parc des Princes and I wouldn’t mind reminding PSG that we’re coming. But Steve thinks it sends the wrong message, and he gets to Patrice before me. Fucking Steve. Instead we’ll play our home games 100km away at the Stade Pierre-Brisson in Beauvais, which is owned by a team just promoted to the third tier. It’s fucking embarrassing, Steve.

Our next problem is that we have literally nobody who can play between the sticks. Ludovic Butelle has retired and Willy Avognan isn’t from Paris. Paul Charruau is from Paris, but has refused to sign a new contract. Fortunately, I spotted this problem early and Yahia Fofana has been waiting to join up with us from Le Havre for a while. He looks a real talent and if we can develop him, he could be with us for the long haul. Leonard Aggoune comes in as backup, but it’s a very loose term for somebody I hope we don’t have to use. I’d like a third option to cope with any injury crisis too.

At the back we’ve brought in Mike Cestor from Romanian side Cluj. He’s got some decent stats and is a little more comfortable on the ball than Josue Homawoo, who is in full-blown revolt against me. With the added pressing I’m expecting at this level that will be vital. He brings Champions League experience to the squad, though admittedly I was more interested in his 7 games for Leyton Orient.

We also bring in Abdelkadar Aajji at left back. He’s a better defender than El Hriti, but isn’t as good going forward, so we’ll have to see how the season is going to see who we want to play more. He’s spent most of his career in the lower leagues, and it’s always nice to find a player lower down.

Further forward is where things get more exciting. Eden Massouema was the first player I fully scouted, and the first I signed up when his contract allowed it. He has a lot of experience at this level, and played for Troyes in Ligue 1 last season. He’ll replace Mayoro N’Doye, which means the end of Ndoye Squared, but he should have a big part to play.

And the last of our early signings is Arnaud Tattevin, from rivals Paris FC. He joins Le Corre in our exciting young strike force, and has room to develop. He’ll be first choice going into the season and has it where it counts. I’d like another option as well, but it’s not a priority.

The pre-season schedule is as punishing as it was last season. I put the players on a fitness-heavy training regime and we’ll play two games every week until the season starts. With this many new faces they’ll need to get used to playing together, and the amount of late goals we scored last season showed us the value of being at peak condition. I’m also determined that if it’s possible to run a rebellion into the ground, I’m going to do it. Hacene Benali has joined Homawoo behind the barricade.

I’m trying to ignore the growing revolt from the players left over from last season, but Steve is relishing it. He almost seems to represent them when they bring their demands to me, and as much as I insist that he is one of the architects of the Parisian-only policy, he denies it and the players blame me. I’m glad for some new faces – my players – around the place.

We have a good mix of fixtures to get through before the season starts. I upped the difficulty level from last season – we don’t learn a huge amount from winning a lot of games 9-0 – and am delighted as the team gets to know each other. An early win against Paris FC feels good. I know friendlies aren’t supposed to mean anything, but this one does. We then go on to win every game of preseason, including some testers against sides in our division and one against Jong Ajax. I throw in a visit to the local university side for a confidence boost, and the lads score 13 goals, which is good. I’m especially pleased as we approach the season that the defence starts to click, and we start keeping some clean sheets. Cheikh Ndoye has put on his liberty cap and joined the revolution.

I like to get my transfer business done early, but the big whiteboard in my office only has the names of all my potential signings rubbed out as the first game approaches. If I had more time, or more money, then I could deal with the player revolt by replacing them. But I don’t so they will stay in the squad and I’ll have to hope they’re not too disruptive. I add experienced midfielder Michael Barretto, who is something of a Ligue 2 stalwart, and right back Rosario Latouchent. He will have a real competition with Jason Tre for that starting place.

On top of that, I manage to secure the loan of Algerian goalkeeper Ryan Bouallak from Caen. He’ll be second choice behind Fofana, but he’s a lot better than Aggoune so I can relax a little about the goalkeeper position. We also sign Christopher Attys from Inter Milan, and while the youngster is unlikely to force his way into the starting XI, he’ll provide important cover. Damien Durand can hear the people sing, singing the songs of angry men. It’s Paris, there’s a revolution, and I’ll make Les Mis references if I like. Sue me, Lloyd-Webber. Actually, could you fancy a stadium rebuild?

It seemed like an impossible task to find a competitive side among the hundreds of scouting reports I received, but finally I feel we’re covered in every position and ready to compete. First up is Amiens, and they are predicted to finish fourth. The revolting players and the happy new signings are mingling together, and we’ll just have to wait and see who wins out.

July 2022

We aim to keep this site ad-free. Please help us by donating below.