Der Massacre

Most major leagues have huge rivalries between teams from different cities, that in many ways define football in that country. In England, it is Manchester United v Liverpool. Italy has the Derby d’Italia which pits record champions Juventus with Milan rivals Inter. And the most famous of them all, Real Madrid and Barclona, whose tie has become a byword for heated rivalry. So with the marketing success of El Clasico, it’s not that surprising that other countries have followed suit. In France, they have Le Classique, between PSG and Marseille. The Netherlands has De Klassieker, the fiery affair between Ajax and Feyenoord (earlier this season, quite literally). And in Germany, there is Der Klassiker, the much hyped but often underwhelming meeting between Bayern and Dortmund. Unlike the other ‘classics’, which have swung between one side’s dominance and the other’s, or even been a close fought affair in almost all cases, Der Klassiker underwhelms because, however good Dortmund have been in the season to that point, however close they are to success, they almost never turn up. The same was true on Saturday.

Bayern beat other German sides. Obviously. They have the biggest budget, the most prestigious history, the biggest membership of any sports side in the world, and a colossal global fanbase. It’s not surprising that even their closest rivals can’t compete. But this is where the moniker fails. In Spain, Real Madrid and Barcelona can beat each other, even if one is having a terrible period. The Clasico is a true rivalry, born out of civil war and dictatorship, where both clubs are of similar size, and neither gives an inch even with inferior players. Barcelona won the title last year, despite universal mocking over their need for ‘financial levers’. Real Madrid won the title even against arguably the best club side ever put together. Der Klassiker simply doesn’t offer the same excitement.

Like their rivals, they went into the game on Saturday unbeaten. Like their rivals, they were looking up the table at Bayer Leverkusen. They had home advantage. And yet, when Harry Kane completed his hat trick (his third in the Bundesliga already; Thomas Muller says he needs a new hotel room to keep the match balls) the game had already been over for a while. Really, the game was finish in the first ten minutes, when Bayern raced out of the blocks and gave themselves a 2-0 lead. Aside from a chance at the end of the first half, Dortmund were just never really in the game.

In fact, Dortmund haven’t been able to beat their Bavarian rivals for over four years, when they won the German Supercup. Before that, they were a little more competitive, winning six of the previous twenty meetings between the sides. Which doesn’t scream ‘close rivalry’ (Bayern won 13 of those meetings, with a single draw). The name first  seems to have been applied while Jurgen Klopp was at the Westfalenstadion, a period of relative Dortmund dominance, but even he couldn’t give them a winning record. He took charge of 22 Klassiker, winning 9, and losing 10, including the most important game of all, the Champions League final.

The match has, overall, been played 134 times. Bayern have won more than half of those games. Dortmund have won fewer than a quarter of them. That they have been Bayern’s closest rivals for most of the last decade is a good indicator of just why the Bavarians have won eleven league titles in a row. The first three of those titles began while Klopp was in the Dortmund dugout. They won five more titles, out of eight, in a period of relative struggle for Bayern, between 2002 and 2011, the gap between Dortmund’s last title before Klopp, and their first under him.

There has never been a consistent period where Dortmund have truly been rivals to Bayern. They didn’t even win their first Bundesliga title until 1995 (though they had three German titles before the 1963 formation of the league). Until the nineties, Bayern had other rivals – Gladbach in the seventies, Hamburg in the eighties – which ironically is the only extended period where their win rate over Dortmund drops below 50%.

This isn’t necessarily criticism of BVB. They have been the most consistent also-rans of the last 15 years, and with a piece of the Clasico pie to be had, they were the obvious choice at the time to be put against Bayern. But they aren’t true rivals. It is a weakness of German football that, for all the excitement and an ownership structure that is envied by fans in the UK, Bayern have no true rivals for success. Which, as everybody has seen since the heart of Klopp’s Dortmund was ripped out – Hummels, Gotze, Lewandowski all making the trip to Bavaria when Dortmund looked like real challengers – simply becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Joshua Kimmich was snaffled from RB Leipzig before they could become a threat, Marcel Sabitzer (now of Dortmund) after they had. Rafael Guerreiro moved from Dortmund in the summer. Bayern have the money and prestige to weaken their rivals while strengthening themselves. And when there are no more worlds to conquer, they take England’s captain and Napoli’s defensive rock. How could anyone else compete?

Sometimes, there just isn’t a classic rivalry to market.