Paris is perhaps the most productive city for player development in the world. But could you beat one of the richest, most global clubs in football using only players from the City of Lights? Martin Vert has been set that challenge.

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February ’24

I ended February ruminating on the possibility of Champions League football, but anybody paying attention will have noticed that we haven’t played many of the big boys. Well, they are all waiting for us in March. Current champions Lyon are our Coupe de France semi-final opponents, and the league presents a bevy of clubs whose finances are somewhat unsavoury; City Group owned Troyes, Billionaire Jim Ratcliffe’s Nice, Monaco, where tax exiles like Jim Ratcliffe tend to move. But first up, the biggest of the lot, PSG.

Now, PSG already have a 15 point lead and will certainly win the league. They have the top scorer, the highest rated player, and the only goalkeeper whose record is better than Yahia Fofana’s. They have scored 48 goals, which is 25% more than anybody else and nearly 40% more than us. And they have conceded just 7 goals, a number that even in our most dominant dreams is scarcely believable. So, we’ll just do our best, I guess?

I mean, what can you say. We are a side full of players that, my scouts inform me, would be decent Third Division players. They have Neymar and Messi, both of whom score, and Declan Rice pulling the strings. We’ll get them eventually, but we’re not close yet, and it shows.

The trick to a successful season is to put a bad result behind you and move on. Next up is the cup game against Lyon, who are also very strong, which could make moving on difficult. It’s midweek, so we’ll need some changes, but given how the second string have struggled against weaker opposition, making wholesale changes is just asking for trouble. We’ll freshen up a bit and cross our fingers.

We are second best throughout, but very nearly put in a vintage, unbreakable Red Star performance. Bruno Guimaraes and Aouar are indomitable and really control the game, creating chances and causing problems, and Yahia Fofana is equal to almost every one of them. We get to the break and dig in, and the second half sees more of the same. I freshen things up and we create a little more, but our resistance is finally broken. Fofana makes a great double save, but the second presents Marcelo Allende with an open goal, and he doesn’t miss. We try to get back into it, but to no avail.

The third match of the month, and our second against the financially distasteful, sees Monaco travel to the Pierre-Brisson. They haven’t had a good time, and while they won’t get relegated, they aren’t anywhere near troubling the European places, and will probably finish in the bottom half of the league. That doesn’t mean there isn’t quality – Kevin Volland, Aleksandr Golovin, Riqui Puig and Axel Disasi are all at least Europa League level players, if not Champions League – but their form through the season represents a chance to pick up some unexpected points. A chance, if we want to retain our own European ambitions, that we must take.

Ok, so it’s not an opportunity. It’s a trap. Aside from an early Tattevin chance, we barely get out of our own half, as Monaco pepper Yahia Fofana’s goal with shots. It is only a matter of time before they make a breakthrough, and on 41 minutes Ben Yedder nods home a cross to give the visitors a lead. But we don’t panic. We begin the second half stifling the game, stopping Monaco making chances, and getting our foot in the game. When I think we’re settled, I bring on the second striker, and its N’Goura who finds the equaliser, running on to a crossfield ball from Diarra and smashing home. We push for the last ten minutes, but Monaco hold on, and we have to settle for a point.

A four-point gap has opened up between us and the Champions League places. I’m not panicking, the top three was almost certainly an impossibility, and there is also a four-point buffer before we drop out of the European places altogether. In the chasing pack are a resurgent Lille, Nice and their billions, and City Group owned Troyes. Troyes are deep in the Champagne region, and I know this because that’s where we’re headed next. It’s not a time for worrying, but it’s important that our four game winless run doesn’t turn into a death spiral. So lets make sure we feel like taking a few bottles home with us, and burst Troyes’ bubbles (I don’t really have champagne jokes). Diarra is suspended, so Senzemba gets the start, and we’ll go with what are probably our best two centre-backs, because Rey Manaj is a peculiar nuisance who sits third in the scoring charts.

This is a vintage Red Star performance. We take the lead after twenty minutes, when Fomba plays a defence splitting pass and Tattevin dinks it over the goalkeeper. And then we soak up pressure. Troyes push forward, but with our stability at the back, they are limited to half chances and never really trouble Fofana’s goal. And we are dangerous on the break too – Tattevin hits the post, as does Barreto – but we’re unable to extend our lead. When they have a man sent off I stifle the game, and we take a valuable three points.

When I come off the pitch, Steve is waiting for me. He throws a contract at me and storms, off. Prick. I read it over and, surprisingly, Amadou Traore has just reached enough games to trigger a transfer, so he’ll sign permanently in the summer. Which, personally, I don’t think is much of a problem, he’s been a key member of the squad. €325,000 is a bargain! But Steve will find anything to complain about.

 We’ve also secured our survival. We are looking much higher at the moment, but we shouldn’t take away from what a magnificent achievement that is for the lads. A few survival bonuses are paid out, so I let the recipients take us all out for a posh dinner and give everyone a day off training.

Our final game of March sees the visit of Nice. They may not have spent those billions wisely, but since the appointment of Peter Bosz they have really turned their form around and are right on the cusp of the European places. We have a little gap to them, but they will hunt us down hard in the remaining few months of the season. Three points would set down a real marker that we belong in this top group, but a point will do to keep European qualification in our own hands.

Well, that was unexpectedly comfortable. We put Nice on the back foot from the start, limiting them to long range efforts that aren’t even on target, and on 21 minutes we play a lovely passing move down the right-hand side, which Brahimi fires into the top corner. On 35 we do the same down the left, and this time Barreto finds Fomba who turns home with similar aplomb. At half time I tell the lads just how good they’ve been, and they go out and stifle Nice all over again, creating a few other chances. Nice get increasingly desperate, but only really come close to scoring in the closing minutes, when Calvin Stengs dinks Fofana, but Camara gets back to clear. We’ll take that.

Alpha Sissoko has picked up a strain and will be out for a few weeks, but fortunately the first two of those are taken up by internationals. Neil Farrugia picks up his first cap for Ireland in an exciting defeat to France, and I am offered interviews by both Brest and Toulouse. I decline, obviously.

April ’24

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