Paris is perhaps the most productive city for player development in the world. But could you beat one of the richest, most global clubs in football using only players from the City of Lights? Martin Vert has been set that challenge.

Preseason 2022

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“Cheikh Ndoye is still here. What about our request for young players?” Steve is glaring at me as he tries to turn Patrice against me. “He’s 36 and still one of our highest earners. He’s not even from Paris!”

“We knew this would take time. We can’t just throw players away. They can stay until their contracts to ease the transition to the Parisian policy.” I’m grateful for David defending me. They are like and angel and a devil on Patrice’s shoulders.

“But look at the signings! Mike Cestor, 30. Michael Barreto, 31. There’s no development value in them! We wanted under 23s! Fewer than half of the incoming players are under 23!”

“We needed to rebuild” David interjects. “We can’t just have a load of teenagers, we needed the experience.”

Patrice raises his hand to silence them both. “The only question, at this stage, is can we stay up?” All three look at me, and I clear my throat.

“Absolutely.” I’m not convinced. Steve can tell. I can hear them carry on after I leave.

We are one of the preseason relegation favourites. It’s not surprising. We are playing the whole season away from home, we only concluded our transfer business a few days before the start of the season (and we’re still looking at one or two), and our wage budget is around 15% of the biggest spenders, and the second lowest in the league. Patrice has been generous with his time so far, but so far, we’ve been a roaring success. We head into the new season, and I don’t know what to expect from my new players, or our opponents. We’ll just play our game and see how we go.

Because of league restructuring, there are no playoffs this season, up or down. The bottom four will go down, no second chances. The top two will be the only promoted sides. No hiding places this year. The preseason favourites for the division are fallen giants Saint-Etienne. They are a massive side and should win the division with ease. Behind them are Reims, Troyes, Dijon, and our first opponents, Amiens.

We line up with a mix of last season’s heroes, who are now openly in revolt against my leadership, and new players who I hope will lift us to a Ligue 2 level. I don’t want to “fight bravely against relegation”, as Patrice has requested of me. I want to be well clear of that battle. If there were playoffs, I’d have hoped to get toward them. As it is, my aim for the players is the top half. Not that I tell them that, I don’t want to pile on the pressure. The Amiens team coach pulls up next to ours in the Stade Pierre Brisson car park, and it’s a whole other level from ours. Their club is ready for Ligue 1. Ours isn’t even ready for Ligue 2. But today isn’t about the clubs. Today is about the players. 11 v 11, and I back us to start strong.

One of the things we have in this side is intelligence. We are a progressive, passing side and last season we got plaudits for the “vertical tika-taka” system we play (though I have never quite understood what that means). But 2 minutes into our first game against top opposition, they push forward to intimidate us, leaving gaps, and Hacene Benali launches it from deep in his own half. Arnaud Tattevin brings it down and slots it home for his first Red Star goal. We get back to our passing game and Amiens get one back right on half time. But our tails are up, and Michael Barreto curls home a free kick before the hour. Too old my arse, Steve. When Josue Homawoo nods home a corner with five minutes to go, we’re counting our first three points of the season.

Brahima Doukansy joines on loan from Angers, and means we no longer need to rely on amateur Willy Baku. He’s injured for a couple of weeks, but he’ll be a good presence to have around the place and has bags of Ligue 2 experience, having spent the last four years playing regularly for Niort. He is joined by Kevin Mbala on loan from Caen, to give us some more competition up top.

Speaking of Niort, they are our first midweek opponents of the season. They survived by the skin of their teeth last season, winning the relegation playoff against Briochin, but they have signed six new players and picked up a creditable draw against Grenoble at the weekend. We can’t let our own result make us complacent. Rosario Latouchent will get a chance to prove himself, but other than that we’re unchanged.

It’s another well deserved three points. Arnaud Tattevin gets on the end of a Latouchent through-ball early on to give us the lead, and Barreto converts an admittedly soft penalty inside twenty minutes. Tattevin picks up a knock just before half time, but Alvyn Le Corre is ready and finishes the game off with twenty minutes to go. We’re another three points closer to survival.

Tattevin will be out for a few weeks. It’s irritating, not least because Mbaba is also going to miss a few weeks, meaning Le Corre is our only senior striker. At least we’ve got another game immediately to get minutes into his legs. It just happens to be against the odds on favourites.

Saint-Etienne are the most successful club in France. They have won the league ten times, and the Coupe de France six. And they have brought some serious quality with them into Ligue 2. Former Sunderland man Wahbi Khazri has Premier League experience. World Cup winner Juan Mata is pulling the strings. And Colchester-born Etienne Green, the most appropriately named man in football, in goal. They’re stadium, the Stade Geoffroy-Guichard, is nicknamed “The Cauldron”. Or “The Green Hell” if you prefer. And we’re going there with tired players. Good times.

It is definitely The Green Hell. xG really doesn’t tell the story here, and for 80 minutes we barely lay a glove on them. They open the scoring very early through Khazri, and slice through us time and again in the first half. We’re indebted to Fofana to only go in one goal behind. But there’s nothing he can do just before the hour, as Yvan Neyou drills home inside the box. On 67 minutes, Mahdi Camara finishes the contest with a long range shot that sneaks inside the post. They relax with 10 minutes to go, and we play our football, but we can’t get close to them. If that’s the standard, we’ve got a long way to go.

We finish our first month at this level in fourth place, with six points, which I would definitely have taken before we started. The press remind me that the Saint-Etienne result ends our 25 match unbeaten league run. We need to start another run now, but honestly everyone’s a little dejected at how easily Saint-Etienne took us apart. Except Cheikh Ndoye. Something has clicked for him, and he’s crossed the barricade, back into my welcoming hug. He is the team leader, and if he’s happy to stay, the others will follow suit.

August 2022

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