Paris is perhaps the most productive city for player development in the world. But could you beat one of the richest, most global clubs in football using only players from the City of Lights? Martin Vert has been set that challenge.

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January ’24

All of Nice’s scrabbling on deadline day ended in the signing of Mohamed Daramy. Now, he is dangerous, and he has serious potential, but at one point they had bids in for Patrick Roberts, Aleksandar Mitrovic and Jesse Lingard, so they’ll be disappointed with just the one signing, and I am not as worried as I was at one point. Still, they have a lot of quality and will chase us down all the way to the end of the season, I’m sure.

First up is a trip to Lille in the cup. Diarra has a slight knock, which presents me with a problem. Senzemba is tired from his midweek exertions, and I’m don’t completely trust him even when he’s at 100%. Instead I shift Mike Cestor out there. He hasn’t got much going forward, but he’s our captain and he can set the example. Christopher Wooh has recovered remarkably well, and is able to come into the centre. We were lucky to come away with a point last time we played them, and at the same time desperately unlucky not to win. So, a better performance is required, and a better result should follow, right? Right?

It’s a thoroughly deserved win this time, even if it is touch and go all the way through. We are much the better side in the first half – efficient at the back, dangerous going forward – but unable to make the breakthrough. I push the players forward for the second half, and when Tattevin is forced wide I think the chance has gone, but a love passing move somehow finds Barreto in the box, and we’re ahead. They equalise through a penalty, and it’s the only real chance that manage to muster so it’s disappointing. I begin preparing for extra time when Christ Mukelenge, deep into stoppage time, cuts in from the left. He beats his man, plays a 1-2 with Christopher Attys, and drills into the bottom corner. It’s a fair result.

Marseille are up next. They have been in indifferent form, losing three of their last five, which has left them one place above us and level on points. Aliou Cisse, presumably trying to deflect from a chastening defeat to their biggest rivals PSG, has decided to start the drama. Even with our Parisian-only policy, our squad has players from DR Congo, Mali, Haiti, Portugal, Tunisia, Ireland, Morocco, and the Central African Republic. Now we must beat him. He’s questioning the entire project.

Diarra is back, so he’ll fill his regular role at left back, allowing Cestor to marshal things in the middle. Other than that we’re unchanged. I remind the lads that we are third in the form table, and Marseille are twelfth, I rile them up, and then we head out into the fiery atmosphere of the Velodrome, probably France’s most impressive stadium.

What’s more impressive than the Velodrome? Silencing the Velodrome! We start like a team with something to prove, and swarm around them every time they get the ball. On 10 minutes, Arnaud Tattevin capitalises on a mistake caused by that pressure, and slots home. 12 minutes later, Mukelenge dances down the left wing, cuts back onto his right foot and floats a cross over the heads of the Marseille defenders for Tattevin to get his second. All Marseille can muster are shots from distance, some of which draw Fofana into good saves, but Milik ends up playing in the midfield as he’s so starved of service. The second half is much the same, and Marseille pull on back when Alpha Sissoko diverts a shot past Fofana, and Under has one chalked off for offside late on, but we’re pretty comfortable all told.

The fixture list, augmented by cup draws, now sees us host Metz twice in two weeks. Metz are struggling at the wrong end of the table, and they have the worst defence in the division. They have scored almost as many goals as we have, but that’s as much to do with our inability to find the net as it is with their ability going forward. We have the cup game up first, so we’ll shuffle the pack, with Massouema playing in the backline. He’s not comfortable there, but he’s got all the right attributes. Win here, and we’ll progress further than we have in my tenure before.

It’s a game with no real quality from either side, either up front or at the back. Both defences allow plenty of chances, but that’s hardly from any particular creativity, and the finishing is woeful. We survive a scare when Metz have a goal disallowed just before the break, but the second half is the same, soulless dirge. There’s a palpable sense of relief when the whistle goes and we head to penalties – a quick way for one of us to deliver the final blow. But they drag on too, with Metz getting as far as needing their goalkeeper to put one past Fofana. But Samy Chouchane eventually puts everyone out of their misery, and we’re into the semi-finals!

It’s Metz again, but this time we move from the Bauer to the Pierre-Brisson. Because reasons. We’ll bring our first choice players back in for this one, but I’m sure they’ll be stronger too. There isn’t much more to say than what was said before, so I tell the lads they are better, I tell them to be confident, and then I unleash them.

Unleashed is a bit grand, but it’s a solid, professional performance. We limit Metz to just a handful of chances and, on 34, Lamine Fomba powers home a Brahimi cross to give us a deserved lead. Half time sees everyone fired up, and Christ Mukelenge finds space in the box to slot home just after the break; slightly too much space, and his goal is disallowed for offside. No matter, we push on, and eventually a foul on Mike Cestor, who for no apparent reason has wandered into the box, gives Tattevin a chance to finish the game from the spot. Metz get a consolation late on after a Diarra mistake, but we’re never really in trouble.

Our final match of February sees us travel to Lens, who have usurped our headlines as the “surprise package” all season, but who – get this – we have just replaced in the Champions League places! They have lost three and drawn one of their last five, allowing us to gain that ground, but they are a big side and they are dangerous. Wuilker Farinez is finally becoming the goalkeeper he always threatened to be, and a midfield involving Cheick Doucoure, Gael Kakuta and Michael Cuisance just exudes creativity. Brahima Doukansy is suspended, so Massouema will come in, and once again we’ll need to be at our best.

We get off to a disastrous start, and Lens take the lead in the first minute when Cestor, in the six-yard box, inexplicably decides to pass it back to Fofana, whose panicked clearance rebounds back to Charles Abi to slot home. But that shakes out the cobwebs and we’re better after that. Just after half and hour, Mukelenge breaks the Lens line and plays it across to Tattevin, who turns it in first time. But we start the second half slowly again, and Kolo Muani restores Lens’ lead, before we start playing again. We flood forward and N’Goura equalises, before Traore gives us the lead. The players are on fumes, we’ve used all of our subs, and it is galling but somehow inevitable when, right at the death, Lens find an equaliser. Disappointing, but a good performance.

We end the month in a quite unbelievable second place. PSG, obviously, are the runaway leaders, but I wasn’t planning to topple them quite yet. Behind them, we’re all bunched up, and a couple of results could mean the difference between Champions League and no European Football at all. Even so, we couldn’t, could we?

March ’24

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