Paris is perhaps the most productive city for player development in the world. But could you beat one of the richest, most global clubs in football using only players from the City of Lights? Martin Vert has been set that challenge.

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December ’23

The new year starts brightly, and despite our mini-revolution I am feeling good about our chances. We have a little gap below the European places, and while the revolutionaries aren’t important players – the very reason they are causing problems – my unyielding treatment of them has drawn admiration from a couple of the more senior pros. Defensive football, harsh discipline. Am I… Am I… George Graham?

The transfer window opens, and it’s time to find replacements for those trouble-makers. Short term deals if I can, but I wouldn’t say no to someone who can shape our future. First through the door is Samy Chouchane, a young defensive midfielder on loan from Brighton. He’s somebody my scouts brought to me in the Championnat National, and I’ve been interested in him ever since. He needs some work, but if we finish the season strongly then his €100k option fee won’t represent much of a risk.

Tounkara finally relents when Guingamp make a loan bid. It’s not a good one from our perspective – no wage contribution, minimal fee – but it’ll get his toxic presence out of the club. In his place comes Christopher Wooh on loan from Lens. Anyone who follows French football knows the potential of this young lad, but he hasn’t developed brilliantly over the last couple of years. He looks like a carbon copy of Tounkara, without the whinging.

Right before our first game of 2024, we get our third loan signing in. Christ Mukelenge is an 18-year old inverted winger, and he’ll allow Barreto to fill in when he has to in midfield. Mukelenge is very exciting, and another I’ve had tabs on since our first season, when I went through PSG’s reserves and youth team and scouted every Parisian player. We so nearly nabbed him away on a free transfer, but PSG renewed his contract the day before we could offer ours, but this loan includes an optional fee as well. €8.25m would be a huge club record signing, and it would hurt to pay our big rivals that much, but Christ could become a god to our fans.

The Coupe de France is our first hurdle of the new year. I had hoped for a nice easy tie against some amateur dreamers from a regional league, so I could blood some youngsters. It wasn’t to be, and instead we’ll take on Ligue 2 high flyers Reims. The second string will get some minutes into their legs, including our new loanees, and hopefully I can bring some academy prospects off the bench.

It’s certainly not a comfortable performance, but we scrap through. Reims are the better side throughout and play most of the game in our half. But they are wasteful. We score from our first real chance, when Thibault Ehling cuts back for Le Corre to blast home, but we don’t create much more than pot shots after that. Fofana makes sure the one goal is enough, but its touch and go. Mukelenge, Chouchane and Wooh all do ok on their debuts, and will hopefully improve, and Harry Daury makes his first senior appearance and does well, which is pleasing.

There’s no rest for the wicked, as we’re thrown straight into the next round just a few days later, against old rivals Troyes. They always seem to be in the way of whatever our ambitions are. They knocked us out of the cup two years ago, and we knocked them out last year, but they pipped us to the Ligue 2 title. Now, they are one place below us in the league, our main rivals for a European place going into the second half of the season. So it’s safe to say we’re back to our strongest side for this one.

We are much better in this one, and start brightly. Tattevin picks up an early knock, which is a concern, but N’Goura comes on and causes problems for Troyes’ backline, while their forwards are limited mostly to pot shots. Just before half time, Brahimi floats a free-kick over the defence, and Lamine Fomba hits a rasping, Van Basten-esque volley into the roof of the net. We sit back in the second half and Troyes create a lot of chances, but very few that really threaten until deep into stoppage time, when our own overplaying at the back presents them with two glorious opportunities. They spurn both, and we progress again.

We follow up that win against Troyes with a return to league action, and a trip to Angers. They sit in mid table, but with half an eye on the relegation zone, especially considering they finished 2023 with three bad defeats, including a 4-1 embarrassment against Strasbourg. They don’t score many, but then neither do we. But they concede a lot more than we do. Tattevin’s knock isn’t serious, so he starts, and Ehling and Mukelenge come in for Farrugia and Traore.

This one hurt. We are much the better side, and deserve to be out of sight by half time. I tell the lads that, and push them forward by bringing on a second striker. Which unbalances us. Without the pivot in front of the defenders, we both lose creativity and make ourselves vulnerable. Angers punish us. Twice. And it’s completely my fault.

We come off the pitch, and Rosario Latouchent has changed his mind and wants a move. Three offers come in as soon as I put him on the loan list, but I want my money’s worth, so I accept the best offer and make ultimatums to the other two. I’m tempted to look for another loan, but Harry Daury was decent in the cup and, if I’m not willing to use the youngsters, then why am I here?

We will look to bounce back from the disappointment against Angers when we travel to Rennes, though it won’t be an easy task. They sit above us in 4^th, they are strong across the board and in Jeremy Doku they have somebody who can really make a difference. I decide to put what I think are our best players on the pitch, which means converting to a Mourinho-esque double inverted wingers formation. We’ll be solid and try to hit them on the counter, as is the Red Star way.

Well, a clean sheet is certainly the Red Star way, but we can’t quite find the goal we need. Traore and Mukelenge on the wings look good, causing problems and drawing Tattevin into the game well. Tattevin, for his part, hits the post twice. We are the better side, although Fofana is forced into a couple of good saves. It’s a promising performance to build on, although three points would have been nice.

Jon Dahl Tomasson is the Rennes manager, and makes me nostalgic for the early 00s. I really liked him, but he couldn’t supplant Shevchenko at Milan so I don’t think ever got the recognition he deserved. Anyway, he certainly recognises talent, and is correct that any manager in the world would want a Yahia Fofana in their team.

We finish what has been a busy month, by French standards, with the visit of Toulouse to the Pierre-Brisson. They haven’t much improved since we last played them, and occupy the relegation playoff position with the joint worst offence and second worst defence in the division. They are a team against whom we should capitalise, but it’s a midweek game and we need to rest some players, so it won’t be a straightforward game. As is my reckless way when it comes to midweek games, it’s wholesale changes.

It’s another tight game, but we just about deserve the win. We find the breakthrough after a quarter of an hour, as Barreto turns on the edge of the box and loops a ball over the defence that just begs Massouema to nod home, and he obliges. We keep it tight until half time, and the second half continues much the same. They have two goals disallowed for offside, however, and I drop back into our defensive formation (which, since pushing the wingers forward, is just the solid formation that started our season as our main formation) and we stifle the game. Three points, job done.

February dawns, the final day of the French transfer window, with news of Nice throwing their money around. Which is to be expected, except that they are the side most likely to upset our European ambitions. Still, we’ll enjoy our lofty perch while it lasts. Maybe we can shit on them from above.

February ’24

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