This is Paris: May ’23

Paris is perhaps the most productive city for player development in the world. But could you beat one of the richest, most global clubs in football using only players from the City of Lights? Martin Vert has been set that challenge.

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April ’23

May begins with some disastrous news. We only have two games to the end of the season, and we’re three points clear of Troyes, but we’ll play those last two games without our star player, Yahia Fofana. He has a sports hernia that will keep him out into the summer, so Ryan Bouallak, whose last game for us was back in December, will step in. Which should be interesting.

First up we take on Nancy. They are a strong team, but never really troubled the top of the table all season, and find themselves in that mid-table group that haven’t had much of anything to play for since February. The tiredness has gone, so we’re back toward full strength. Bouallak comes in for Fofana, and Christopher Attys has also picked up a knock, which is a shame because I thought he was just starting to develop in the first team. Doukansy takes his place in midfield, and Homawoo comes in. Tre also replaces El Hriti. It’s our final game in front of our home fans, and I want to go out with a bang.

Something about not having Fofana between the sticks totally unsettles everything. Stray passes abound, and Nancy restrict us to exactly zero chances in the first half. Bouallak makes a great save from a penalty, and another from a free kick, before ruining the good work by belting the ball right into Doukansy’s back, 3 yards away. It falls to Simoes, who plays it across the box to Jung, for an easy finish. I’m furious at half time, and boy do I let them know it. But we’re not much better in the second half, and the scoreline is only kept respectable by a mixture of Bouallak and Nancy’s wastefulness. It’s a miserable way to say farewell to the Stade Pierre-Brisson, which has served us well as a temporary home.

We finish with a trip to Amiens. They have ended up much further down the table than their preseason expectations would have had you believe, and will want to give their supporters something to cheer going into the summer. For our part, we are level on points with Troyes, but unless we win by more than 25 goals, we’re reliant on Chateauroux to do us a favour. My money is on Arnaud Tattevin suddenly trebling his goal tally for the season. Since we last played them, Amiens have added the legendary Zinedine Zidane (‘s eldest son Enzo) to their side. I wonder how much he takes after dad.

Zinedine Zidane (‘s eldest son Enzo) kinda does take after dad, and shows us that after 17 minutes when he curls a shot beyond Bouallak from outside the area. We are already on our holiday, which I’m furious about, and the players respond with a Benali equaliser early in the second half. But then Josue Homawoo gets himself sent off – an ignominious end to his Red Star career – and Amiens turn the screw. I think we’re going to make it, but they get a penalty deep in injury time, and then rub salt into the wound by scoring another. Not a good day, not a good way to finish the season.

In the big scheme of things it doesn’t really matter. Renaud Ripart rips Chateauroux apart, so our exertions mean nothing in the title race, and after the disappointment of the performance subsides, I start to realise the enormity of what this group of lads has achieved. Promotion wasn’t on anybody’s lips back in July, not even mine and I am always overly optimistic. And yet, not only have we secured it, we have ended up securing it with ease. We and Troyes are well clear at the top of the table, and even French giants like Saint-Etienne just couldn’t keep up. That’s a hell of a thing for a tiny community club from a neglected commune in the north of Paris.

Another long summer awaits, with a rebuild as all but one of our non-Parisians leave us. But its an exciting project, and I can’t wait to see how we fare against the elite.

Preseason ’23

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