It is 1989. The Conservatives have been in power for a decade, despite widespread unpopularity. Labour are unable to capitalise, stuck with infighting between centrists and the traditional Left. The economy is in a fragile state. British holidaymakers are stranded abroad. Liverpool are serious title challengers, looking to make up for this disappointment of the previous season. Man Utd haven’t won a trophy for years. An exciting England team are eyeing potential glory at next year’s World Cup, but are concerned about the heat. And we are out of Europe. It really is 1989, I promise!

In the world of football, Britain is still reeling from the Hillsborough disaster. Arsenal are champions after a dramatic final-day final-minute goal, but Liverpool are the real superstars – seventeen league titles makes them the most successful side in history, and there is no sign of Kenny Dalglish’s men letting up. Manchester United have been uninspiring and Scotsman Alex Ferguson is under a little pressure, while Millwall and Norwich are coming off of the back of exceptional seasons. But at the other end of the table, Jim Smith was unable to save Newcastle United from relegation, and has been relieved of his duties as a result.  There is trouble in the boardroom. It’s time for a gamble, and whoo-boy what a gamble.

When I walk into St James’ Park, I’m struck by the brand new Jackie Milburn Stand that has only been there a couple of years. And I’m struck by what used to be the Leazes End, before it was torn down more than ten years ago and never rebuilt. And I’m almost struck by some rubble, thrown by disgruntled fans from that end. They have gone three decades without seeing a domestic trophy, a record they, and I, am not convinced I can change. It’s a gamble, no doubt about that. I wouldn’t have gambled on myself in this way. What on Earth were the board thinking?

Oh, and they expect immediate success. Great.

Looking at the players at my disposal, it’s not an impossible task. The Bald Eagle made some bizarre signings last season, but strengthened over the summer pretty well. It’s a pretty young squad, but peppered with experience in the right places. Ray Ranson should be as good as any fullback in the division, but it’s the centre-back partnership of Andy Thorn and Kevin Scott that should really make us stable.

Up front, Mark McGhee is back in town, and while he might not technically be the best (Heading 13, Finishing 10), the Scot is strong, determined, and his work rate (16) is good enough for me. Micky Quinn alongside him should score the goals (Finishing 15) and has a similar work ethic to McGhee. Not much by way of pace though (11 and 10, respectively). John Gallacher has plenty though (18) and decent crossing means he’ll play on the right. Gary Brazil and Wayne Fereday can both play on the left, but neither can really deliver, so I might need to strengthen there.

But it is in the middle where we are really, genuinely scary. Classy Dane Bjorn Kristensen (Passing 20) will be protected by either Liam O’Brien (Strength 14, Aggression 18) or Kevin Dillon (Strength 17, Aggression 19) neither of whom should be trifled with. If it all goes tits up I’ll just stick them both on and let them kick lumps out of the opposition.

The Reserves are a bit of a disappointment, but Steve Howey could come in as cover at the back. He can’t tackle anyone (8), but his heading (16) is impressive for a teenager. It’s probably a year or two too early for Lee Clark. And Steve Watson seems to have everything it takes except actual footballing ability. A man after my own heart.

Contract signed, squad assessed, rubble dodged. A good day’s work. It’s July 1989, so Soul II Soul are top of the charts. Next up, pre-season.

Check out the next part of the challenge…