Paris is perhaps the most productive city for player development in the world. But could you beat one of the richest, most global clubs in football using only players from the City of Lights? Martin Vert has been set that challenge.
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I wake up in the playing field where the Bauer used to be. I’m not sure how I got here. It’s raining and I’m covered in mud. David Bellion is stood over me.
“I’ve found him!” he shouts out to somebody, and I blink my eyes until I see Patrice and Ragnar Klavan running over the pitch. They help me up.
“Heavy night?” Patrice asks, smiling but looking concerned.
“I… I don’t know” I shrug.
“Well, get some coffee down you. It’s Real Madrid tonight!”
They usher me toward a waiting car, and just as I’m getting in there is a voice. Or is it the wind?
“Make it count…”
Weird.
Real Madrid are a really impressive outfit. Their images are plastered in giant banners around the Santiago Bernabeu – Bastoni, Alaba, Kroos, Diaz – and it’s difficult not to feel a little jealous. We have no problem with Madrid, of course, and their manager Erik Ten Haag shakes my hand and welcomes me to their magnificent stadium for the second time. It’ll be the biggest test of our season, and it’s come at an inconvenient time, just a few days before the visit of PSG to the Pierre Brisson. For that reason I’m a little choosey about the squad I pick. We can progress in Europe without beating Madrid, but losing to PSG always stings. We’ll see how we do.
We lost 3-0 both times to Real Madrid last season, and we’ve lost 4-0 here, so I’m not sure what to make of it. They open the scoring early when Vinicius Jr appears to scuff a shot, which wrong foots Fofana and rolls into the bottom corner. Mara threatens from range, at one point lobbing Courtois but seeing his effort bounce off the bar, but that’s about as good as it gets for us. Toni Kroos curls home from the edge of the box on the half hour, and despite trying to freshen it up a little for the second half we can’t get into it. Bastoni heads home a corner on 70 minutes, and Valverde puts some gloss on the scoreline with 7 minutes remaining. It’s a heavy defeat, and I don’t like it.
We can’t sit around and sulk. Our main rivals, the whole point of the challenge, are on the bus to the Pierre Brisson almost as soon as our wheels touch down back in Paris. That waste of skin Pochettino has struggled, by PSG’s standards, and whatever the result today we will be above them. But we have a 100% record in the league to think about. Our first XI are flying, on a high, and look like they can beat anybody. Which is why I’ll be cautious and try to stifle their chequebook heroes for 90 minutes. It might not sound like the right thing to do, but then you’re not stuck in a dugout against superstars with a tiny player pool, limited budget, and a stadium that’s disappeared into the void. It makes sense, from that point of view.
This, right here, is everything I have drilled into this club. We are lucky on a couple of occasions; very early on Neymar is presented with a nearly open goal only to skewer his shot wide, although it’s still not as embarrassing as that penalty against Nantes. And Fofana makes a couple of decent saves. But, actually Donnarumma takes the man of the match award for keeping Mara’s couple of chances from putting them behind. We soak up pressure, we get amongst them, and we take another clean sheet. This is how Red Star do things. Boring, solid, efficient.
This international break gives our players some much needed rest, and also gives us a chance to reflect on our opening to the season. When you’re in the mix, focussing on the next game and how to squeeze points out of the coldest of stones, you sometimes lose sight of the big picture, but holy crap! We’re 8 wins from 9, unbeaten, conceded just the two goals. 18 unbeaten running back to last season. I don’t really know how to explain it, except for everybody doing their jobs absolutely brilliantly. And the big man between the sticks, of course. There’s a lot to be said for knowing your best team and sticking with them. Wow.
Our form hasn’t gone unnoticed either. Apparently, there are some investors circling. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I’m comfortable with Patrice and David. But it might be a good way to get Steve out of the club! That can only be a good thing! And maybe they can find our stadium for us too?
Before all that though, we want to extend our unbeaten start to ten games, and to do that we will travel to Rennes. They are a real enigma of a side, who are sometimes right in the mix for the European places, but other times caught in a relegation battle. This season, so far, it’s the latter. Players are ready, but we’ve got the Champions League in midweek so we’ll go with a changed team and trust them to get the job done.
They aren’t even close to getting the job done. How we end up with a higher xG than Rennes is beyond me. Mara finds the net after just 13 minutes, stealing it at the far post after Bitshiabu’s header is saved, but that’s about as good as it gets and Jeremy Doku tears our defence apart over and over. It’s Mathys Tel though, who equalises just before the hour, capitalising on some frankly baffling negligence by Niakite and Goncalves who just kind of… stop… with the ball at their feet, and let him take it. And then there is an onslaught in the final 15 minutes, they hit the post, Fofana makes some brilliant saves, and Doku has a goal ruled out. We are lucky to take the point.
We’re straight out into Europe again, shuffling onto the plane in high spirits to take on a Leverkusen side. It’s the kind of European fixture I think we can take something from. Maybe not the win, away from home, but a point would be nice. The spirits might leave me alone for a little while at least…
It’s another draw, but this one is completely different to the one against Rennes. Leverkusen are magnificent, and the BayArena is rocking, and when Kevin Volland puts them ahead after 20 minutes I fear it can only get worse. But we don’t panic. We regroup. We start playing our football. Mara has a couple of chances before Sissoko starts a lovely passing move down the right, and Traore combines with Brahimi for the Moroccan to smash home. At half time I encourage the boys, we’re right in this, and they go out. The second half is end-to-end, and my stress levels go through the roof. Leverkusen clear off the line, then force Fofana into a save, and I am heartbroken when Redan finally slips one past the big man late on. But VAR comes to the rescue, and it’s disallowed. Both sides are forced to settle for the draw.
We finish the month with a visit from Nice. I liked Peter Bosz. We had some good games, and there has always been a bit of respect there, and we always had a drink afterward. But he lost his job in the summer, and was replaced by Patrick Rahman. The former Basel manager has decided to join the club questioning our project. So he’s added to the shitlist, and if he wants a drink after the game, I’ll be pissing in it.
Strangely, Patrick doesn’t want a drink after the game. Which is a shame, because I’ve been saving it up for 2 hours. But isn’t a surprise, as he is already under pressure and has just been taught a lesson in just what Parisian footballers can do. They start well for the first 15 minutes, but then we make the game our own. It takes until the 45th minute, but as Nice start to look for half time, we start a move that includes pretty much every player, and Traore blasts home. I expect a fight after the break, but their confidence is broken and they don’t offer much of anything. We’re in our defensive shape anyway, and it takes until 10 minutes from time to put it to bed, Mara finishing from close range.
We come off the pitch to discover that, yet again, PSG have dropped points for the season. They are pushing €1bn in transfer spending over the last five years, and sure Poch has got to be in trouble. Couldn’t happen to a nicer bastard…
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