Paris is perhaps the most productive city for player development in the world. But could you beat one of the richest, most global clubs in football using only players from the City of Lights? Martin Vert has been set that challenge.
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As we board the flight to China, I can’t help but wonder what these spirits from the past would make of the dark footballing arts I am about to try out. I suspect, as with everything else I’ve done, they would disapprove. And I’m sure they’ll let me know about it the moment I close my eyes. Regardless, that’s the plan. If we can bully their softer, weaker forwards, then maybe they won’t want to get involved. Certainly, that’s the plan. As for our forwards, I had a last-minute rush of blood to the head and brought in Sekou Mara on loan from Lyon. My scouts and coaches all agree that he’s a significant upgrade on Tattevin, but I’m not convinced. A third striker is useful, though.
One downside of our heavy preseason schedule is the risk of injury. Maybe we squeezed in one game too many, or maybe our training regime is too much with a trophy to play for so early in the season, but my physios warn me that Yahia Fofana probably shouldn’t play. But Alexandre Letellier has a worse injury, and our only other option is Mouhamadou Diop, so Fofana will have to. Mara comes into the starting lineup too, so we’ll get a good look at him and how he compares to Tattevin. PSG fans hugely outnumber ours in the stadium, I guess our brand hasn’t quite made it to the Far East yet. A handful of hardy Shanghai Shenhua fans have green scarves – they are our new affiliates – and I give them a wave. Now lets boot Poch’s bastard sons off the park.
Sadly we are simply not good enough. PSG’s superstars run the show, and it’s only a superb performance from Yahia Fofana that stops the result getting embarrassing. We hold them for over an hour before Ansu Fati breaks away from Sissoko and fires into the top corner. We adjust to try and attack – it’s a cup final, there’s no point sitting back while we’re behind – but it just invites more pressure. Declan Rice, who is probably their most important player, powers home a header 15 minutes from time, and Neymar finishes us off a couple of moments later. Oof.
The come down from my fighting talk is hammered home when, a couple of days after we get back from China, PSG sign Saul for €30m. Just like that. They have doubled our entire transfer spend on one player, and I thought we had been quite loose with the purse strings. We will be competitive with everybody else, but the next step, actually catching them, probably can’t be done on the cheap with such a limited player pool. It might have to wait until we can spend some serious money.
Of course, to spend serious money, we need to get serious money. And to get serious money we need to keep overperforming in the league. L’Equipe have us in the relegation fight again, but I know we’re improving because this season, unlike last, they expect us to just about survive. We’ll start at home to Monaco. And Luciano Spalletti has added himself to my shitlist. I thought we were friends. But just look who his favourite person is…
We’re at the Pierre-Brisson again, because of glitches in the matrix, but we’re used to that. We’ll play mostly the same team, and they can have a chance to make up for the disappointment in China with a thumping win here. I don’t care if I have to trample over the decaying corpses of all of my enemies. I don’t care if I have to spend every penny in every bank in Paris, I will prove that this project works. Mukelenge has a calf injury, so Claude-Maurice makes his debut.
Suck on that, Spalletti. We only get two, but we are so dominant we will haunt their nightmares for a thousand lifetimes. Ok, so maybe I’ve got carried away with it all. But 22 shots to their 3, and they threaten less than a third of a goal on the xG. Sekou Mara is all over their backline, harassing them to within an inch of their lives, and it’s a mistake he causes that lets him get his first goal for the club. They barely threaten, but it takes Brahimi until the 81st minute to finish it. It’s a fantastic performance, and a brilliant way to start the league campaign.
Our second match of the season promoted Lorient, who finished second in Ligue 2 last season to secure an immediate return to the top table. They have brought in a few players, but the one that really stands out is Nayef Aguerd. The Moroccan brought to an end his six-year, 100-game association with Rennes and is a very good defender, so we’ll need Mara to be at this best again.
Two games, two goals for Sekou Mara, and again he is so much more mobile and threatening than we are used to. If it carries on much longer I’ll have to concede that my scouts were right; that is what I pay them for after all. Brahimi opens the scoring when he cuts back on the edge of the box and fires into the top corner. It’s a magnificent strike, and if Mbappe had scored it then it would be a Puskas Award contender. Mara turns home a Sissoko cross on 27 minutes, a just reward for his performance. They have a man sent off right on half time, which means they don’t really threaten in the second half, and Benrahou finishes them off. Diarra picks up a knock which means we play the final 20 minutes with 10 men, but we see it through.
We have what is looking suspiciously like a bit of an injury crisis at the moment. Letellier, Doukansy, Diarra, Huard, Claude-Maurice and Mukelenge are all missing for the next game, so we’ll change things up a bit.
Metz have also started the season with two wins from two, and theirs have come in a superb game against Lyon, and a more expected result against Reims. Their own transfer window has brought in some good experience, such as Marcos Alonso, without spending a penny. They always seem to be a tough side to beat, and because of our injuries I think it’s time to test out the strength of our squad. Anyone who has a fit replacement is rested.
It’s another good performance, but this time with a huge stroke of luck. The goal we score after just 12 minutes is another from the sublime category. Valery makes a good challenge to break down a Metz attack, and finds Traore. The winger proceeds to dance his way infield, going past three players before a visionary reverse pass to Tattevin. The forward doesn’t even take a touch, he just lifts it over the onrushing goalkeeper and into the net. We are dominant then until about 75 minutes, but can’t make it count, and Metz start making chances. Right at the death, Sigurgeirsson loops the ball into the box, and Niane’s header beats Fofana and bounces off the crossbar. We’ll take the 1-0, and another clean sheet.
That malingering ulcer Mauricio Pochettino popped along to watch us against Metz. Reporters think he was checking on Bitshiabu, but after a loss and a draw in their opening three games, I think the PSG boss came to see proper football being played. Along with another injury, obviously. This time it’s Tattevin, and he’ll be out for a month.
The Champions League draw has, strangely, put us in the same group as Real Madrid and Porto again. With them are Bayer Leverkusen. We want to give the competition a go this year, we’re not going to write it off like before, and I think we’ve got the depth to do… something. If we can nick the Europa League spot, I’d be delighted. It’s a tough group, but looking at the draw, it’s the one with the best chance of progression.
We have a few players filtering back from the treatment table for our games against Nantes. After this is an international break, for which Moussa Diarra has already been called up despite not being fit enough for us, and we expect Fofana to join up with the French squad as well. Nantes lost Alban Lafont in the summer, but his replacement Axel Werner has been more than adequate, and they have added Mavididi to the always dangerous Durdevic up top, meaning they are the highest scorers in the division after three games. They are dangerous. But we are dangerous too.
It’s a good performance, but Nantes certainly don’t let us run away with it. Moses Simon tests Fofana early, and Mavididi is constantly harassing Camara and young Bitshiabu. We are lucky to get in at half time level, and have our goalkeeper to thank for it. But we’re better in the second half, pushing forward. It takes until the 75th minute to make the breakthrough, when Huard crosses for Mara to nod home. Farrugia gets one a few moments later, and it’s job done.
The month draws to a close with a 100% record, which is nice. The new signings are settling well, and we do seem to have strength in depth now. Will it be enough to close the gap to PSG at all? They have started poorly by their standards and are five points behind us. September promises a Champions League test to see where we stand.
[In his excitement, Martin forgot to screenshot the league at the end of the month. Red Star sit top of the table]
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