This is Paris: May ’25

Paris is perhaps the most productive city for player development in the world. But could you beat one of the richest, most global clubs in football using only players from the City of Lights? Martin Vert has been set that challenge.

April ’25

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There isn’t a great deal to be done in May. We have secured our Champions League qualification already, and PSG have already secured the title. Other than trying to fix it so a couple of players pick up individual gongs, everything is settled already. So I’ve been going over the numbers. Our passing game is balanced and intense, but our centre forward is out of the game for much of it, being the player least passed to. Which if anything makes it a miracle that Tattevin has managed to get himself to second in the scoring charts. But getting him more involved can only be a good thing, so we’ll spend our final three games experimenting with a deep lying forward.

It’s actually a perfect time to test it out. We have a very tough game against Nice, and we finish the season against Lens who are fairly average. But first we take on Angers, all but relegated and really not a brilliant side, only putting up a respectable showing thanks to the form of Mo Ali-Cho up front.

The experiment doesn’t really work. If anything, Tattevin is even more out of the game, but he has just had the one game to try the position. We take the lead when Farrugia cuts in off the wing and floats a lovely ball over the heads of the defenders for Brahimi to run onto, and fire into the top corner, but are pegged back before half time when Martinez finds space between our defenders and hits home first time. The second half doesn’t see us much better, and we are lucky to survive a late scare when Angers have a goal chalked off for offside. It’s not enough to save them, and they are relegated.

Way out ahead of the pack in terms of goalscoring this season is Monaco’s Myron Boadu. Second is Tattevin, and PSG’s best effort is Karim Adeyemi in fourth. So, as predictably as night following day, scrounger Pochettino wants to pilfer the Monaco hen-house. All that money, but they can’t be bothered to find their own players. No class.

Speaking of classless, tax exile Jim Ratcliffe has finally managed to buy a modicum of success, and Nice are going to be in the Europa League next year. Good for them. It’s amazing what the unquestioning support of a billionaire can do to really lift a side’s spirits. Karim Benzema is still more dangerous than Flash Gordon shoving his hand in that tree trunk thing, and they have quality throughout. It doesn’t mean much for us, but I do like to beat the billionaire bully boys.

Whatever Arnaud Tattevin has been eating this season, I think we need to get the whole squad on it! He takes no time at all to find the net here, turning home after Christ Mukelenge drills across the box, and they combine for his second just a few moments later when the teenager splits the defence with a glorious pass for Tattevin to fire home. Between the two goals, such is the excitement of the opening ten minutes, Gouiri manages to get one back for Nice, but that’s as good as their afternoon gets. It takes until the second half, but Tattevin eventually puts the game to bed, tucking home a penalty after Mukelenge dances his way into the box and is brought down. What a game!

Michael Barreto comes to see me after the game. He’s 34, his contract is up in the summer, and he has decided to call it quits rather than try to find a club at a lower level. He was the creative spark that took us up from Ligue 2, and his versatility was important last season, but he’s found his time a little limited this season as younger players like Mukelenge and Fomba have secured their places. An important part of Red Star history, and he’ll be missed.

Our final game of the season sees the visit of Lens. For a side that pushed us until the last day for the Champions League last year, they have had a very disappointing season, and only a late upturn in form has pulled them away from relegation danger. In Wuilker Farinez they have an enigma of a goalkeeper, capable of brilliance but inconsistent, and Michael Cuisance pulls the strings from midfield. Again, there’s not much riding on it, but it’d be nice to send the fans home happy.

Well, it’s a bore draw to finish the season, with neither side really pushing. We create a couple of chances and Amadou Traore should have one or two, but really there’s not a lot to report for the whole game. Two teams who are already on the beach, and we at least certainly deserve to be.

It’s been a brilliant season, and I congratulate each of the players individually on a fantastic achievement. The gongs are awarded, and Yahia Fofana is a hero again, saving 14 goals. It’s the best in the division, but is much more respectable than last season, where it approached 30, in no small part down to the form of Ousmane Camara, who wins Ligue 1 Young Player of the Season. The Team of the Year is a PSG clean sweep, apart from a lone green shirt, that of Lamine Fomba. It’s us that have a clean sweep of the Ligue 1 Best African Player, with as-yet-uncapped (which is unbelievable) Arnaud Tattevin taking the top prize, as well as second behind Myron Boadu for top scorer in the division. How the Central African Republic continues to place its trust in someone playing for fifth tier Paris Atletico over him is beyond me.

I know this game can bite you just when you think you’re getting somewhere, but I really think we’re getting somewhere. We have cemented our place as the second best team in France, not through big budget buys or highly rated talents, but by hard work, energy and Yahia Fofana. All eyes on PSG now, time to take them down.

Preseason ’25

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