Paris is perhaps the most productive city for player development in the world. But could you beat one of the richest, most global clubs in football using only players from the City of Lights? Martin Vert has been set that challenge.
Between the ghosts and Steve, I never get a moment’s peace. They always have something to moan about. Today it’s Steve.
“We didn’t get any money for those loans”. He’s pointing at Barroso and Diakhaby’s names on my loan list. “It’s wasting the clubs finances.”
I shrug. “You know as well as I do that they needed the football, and the cost is minimal.”
“What about the wage budget?” he says.
“I’m within it?” I ask, curious.
“Yes, for now. But next season, the wage rises will put you €150 above it!” He waves his arms, trying to look triumphant but instead coming across like one of those car dealership things that blow in the wind. We spend €265,000/week on wages, still the lowest in the division and only 3% of what PSG are splashing out, and he’s worried about €150.
I stand up, sigh, and pull the notes out of my wallet, offering them to him. He snatches them from my hand and storms off.
“And you didn’t get to the Third Qualifying Round in Europe” he mutters has he leaves. I hate Steve.
Nantes are struggling. Where last season Alban Lafont kept them competitive, this season his form as dropped, and their defence hasn’t been able to pick up the slack. They are one place and three points above the relegation zone, and the only thing keeping their heads above water is that there are, currently, three worse sides in the division. We are not one of those sides, so I expect a result. Traore comes in for the injured Farrugia.
This is a frustrating afternoon. Our players just don’t turn up, and Nantes have us on the back foot throughout. Something about defending against two strikers seems to trip us up, but it’s frankly not good enough. I let the players know at half time, but there isn’t much improvement. I make the changes and bring on the second striker, only to concede a penalty that looked very harsh. Staring down the barrel of defeat, Bilal Brahimi finally sparks into action, combining with Mukelenge to find space in the box and fire home an equaliser. It’s almost as if the players’ minds are or something else.
That something else, obviously, is the visit of PSG. Mauricio Pochettino’s side are the definition of buying success. Their transfer spend over the last three years is close to €700m. Their wage budget is €315m. In the €88m purchase of Declan Rice they have even solved the problem that their real-life counterparts refuse to, namely the lack of midfield stability. But they have yet to add European success to the dominance at home. Poch has also made this intensely personal.
Hey, Poch, remember what happened to Aliou Cisse? Yeah, I did for him and I’ll do for you!!!
When I talk about their dominance at home, this season is in danger of becoming the crown jewel. In 24 games they have scored 64 goals, and conceded 7. They are 32 points clear of 4th place and the Europa League places. To be clear, Lyon are the team in 4th, and they are 32 points clear of the relelgation places. They are essentially a whole division ahead of everybody else. Apart from us. We are miles behind, and this season will not be the season we surpass them, but we are not a whole league behind them. That being said, the most worrying thing about PSG is that from 24 games, they have 24 wins. If they manage a 100% season, I don’t know how to top that. It will stand in the record books and whatever success Red Star achieve, we won’t be able to expunge them from history. This is more than even a match against rivals. The whole challenge might rest on this game.
We are so close to taking something from the game. PSG start with Fati and Adeyemi on the wings and Lewandowski as the loan striker, but it’s Declan Rice who heads them into an early lead from a corner. So much for stifling the game. We push forward a bit and, although we’re second best throughout, we create a couple of chances. We get in at half time and push forward a bit more, bringing on Daclinat to partner Tattevin, but it’s Fomba who breaks the line and fires home an equaliser. And then we have to batten down the hatches, but without any more substitutes. We hold and hold, and PSG need to bring Neymar and Messi on alongside the other three to finally break our resistance, the GOAT picking the ball up five minutes from time and curling just beyond Fofana’s reach and into the top corner. Fuck you Poch.
Poch has actually gone and mouthed off in the media again, claiming his €700m side’s last gasp, hard fought victory against our Ligue 1 minnows proves that you can’t focus on homegrown talent. I thought I liked Poch. I thought he was managing our rivals, but a decent kind of chap. But now I want to remove his eyeballs with a rusty spoon. For now I will console myself that, following their lucky win at the Pierre-Brisson, they have gone out of the Champions League. At the First Qualifying Round. For the third season in a row. €700m well spent, then…
For our part, we travel to actual French footballing giants Marseille, not like the nouveau-riche posers down the road. The fans at the Velodrome are enduring another disappointing season, and even the departure of evil Aliou Cisse hasn’t turned their form around. But they can turn that place into the most intimidating stadium in France, and there is quality sprinkled throughout their team. We’ll need to be at our best. Goncalves comes in for the injured Huard.
We are at our best! Marseille create chances, but Massouema marks Milik out of the game and they are toothless without him. It takes us most of the first half to finally break them down, but we do manage it when Brahimi whips a corner onto Ousmane Camara’s head, and our U21 international doesn’t miss. The second half is a Red Star masterclass, we close the game down and try to see out the 1-0, but Mukelenge has different ideas. He combines with Brahimi to collect the ball just inside the box, and curls it into the top corner with a top quality strike. 2-0, and we’ve banished any lingering doubts from the PSG game.
Sebastien Hoeness has emailed me to question why Hubert Mbuyi-Muamba isn’t playing more. Again. I delete it without replying. Again.
March ends with the visit of rock bottom Dijon. They are really not cut out for this level, and their 26 games have yielded just one win and three draws. The appointment of faithless and accursed Aliou Cisse has done little to turn their form, and although not mathematically confirmed, they will be playing their football in Ligue 2 next season. So we should end the month on a high.
It’s a solid, professional performance that puts Dijon to the sword. We create a lot of chances in the first half but it takes until stoppage time to make the breakthrough, when Sissoko breaks down the right and crosses from the byline for Tattevin to turn home. It means we go into the break in high spirits, and it’s no surprise when Tattevin gets his second just after the break. Roger Assale gets one back after losing Attys in the box – the Haitian has barely played and is definitely among those I’m considering shifting on – but Tattevin restores our two-goal lead with a sublime strike from the edge of area, and we see it out.
All of which makes for, I suppose, a decent month. We lost against PSG, but frankly who hasn’t? Dropping points at Nantes was disappointing, but we made them up again at Marseille, and then we backed it up with a win against Dijon. We are second, we are in a strong position, and a couple more wins will secure Champions League football for the second successive season. So, thumbs up!
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